No One Is Fucking on Netflix’s New Reality Show, Either

Sorry but did Netflix know coronavirus was coming? If not, please explain the timing of Tiger King. And now, as millions quarantining without sexual partners hit their fifth week of celibacy (or digital substitutes), how Netflix just dropped a reality TV show all about sexual frustration.

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Too Hot to Handle is based on the Boomer-ish premise that young people’s fast and casual relationship to sex has devalued intimacy and commitment. So they dropped ten of “the hottest, horniest, commitment-phobic swipesters” in a beachside mansion where no one’s allowed to fuck, to see if they can be cured. No one can so much as kiss, and the group’s $100,000 ($10,000 each) cash prize depreciates if they do. The contestants, blissfully under no pretenses of having been chosen for anything besides their looks, arrive on the island unaware of the twist. Twelve hours in, they’re informed by the Alexa-ish device that serves as host that any thirsty behavior will cost the group: kissing docks $3,000, sex costs $20,000.

Too Hot To Handle on Instagram: “There are conditions to your stay here. Meet the singletons: @brycehirschberg @chloeveitchofficial @david.birtwistle @francescafarago…”

Compulsory chastity and society-wide consequences if you break the rules… sound familiar? Reality TV life already has a lot in common quarantine: social isolation with a group of people you likely didn’t choose deliberately, the urge to stir up just drama for no reason, etc. The only difference is they’re not allowed to masturbate. And we know we’re only getting $1,200 to begin with.

Netflix became a reality TV juggernaut with The Circle and Love is Blind. This new creation seems to combine their secret ingredient — a pseudo-sociological twist — with the other recent winning strategy of late (re: Love Island): accents. Contestants are plucked from all over the UK, Australia and America. Just based on the trailer, besides watching hot horny people shame their hornier, weaker lessers for a lack of control, the accents constitute a good chunk of the entertainment.

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Too Hot to Handle seems destined for virality, but can watching people not fuck really be as gratifying than watching them do it? Does watching the show from our weird social experiment mean we’ll relate to our hotter, blueballed counterparts? Will the internet’s horny solidarity become unstoppable? Or, will the show make us more sexually frustrated than ever? Sadly, it’s Friday and we have nothing better to do than find out.


Screenshot via Netflix



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